Pure Bliss.

September 20, 2015: Tonight we sit spending our third night home with our newest addition. What a blessing we have received. She is truly perfect.

We woke on the morning of September 14, 2015 with much anticipation of the arrival of Baby C. I think I maybe slept a total of 2 hours that night. Partly cause I was up with Z&Z, partly due to updating this blog, and maybe a little bit due to having some tears.

Ready to meet this little one. Going to miss this belly and your little movements. 

We were ready to go and ready to meet this little one but both Andy and I had a lot of anxiety. It is so much different to go in and have everything planned and laid out, plus you know what is going to happen. It was a lot easier when it was somewhat of an emergency and things just happened fast.

We arrived at the hospital and were greeted by all my purple friends. We were to be there at 5:15. They preped me for a c/s, went over how things would go, the Dr came into talk with us along with the anesthesiologist. I have to laugh as one of my biggest concerns was making sure the anesthesiologist gave me a good epidural and that I did not get sick or itchy afterwards. I told him my epidural in SLC was great, and he had big shoes to fill. HAHA.

Here we go again. 

I was wheeled back to the OR. My nerves were definitely taking over as I was super shaky back there. It was so nice to have my friends at my side to talk to me and keep me calm. The epidural went great. I had my Dr there and one other who is also great and who is the same Dr. that shipped us out to SLC. It was actually pretty cool as two of the nurses there came in just for me along with the scrub tech who came in for just for me and had to work later that night. I felt pretty special.

My best friend. I am glad he takes a moment to capture this photo.

They called for Andy to come in. I was so glad to see him. I just laid there and held his hand (partly hoping he didn't pass out) but also just taking in the moment. Again, he got to announce the sex of the baby. They told him to stand up and look over the drape. He stood up (again I was worried he would pass out) I was waiting patiently. He said he couldn't see right away and he actually got to see them pull her out. He then said "IT'S A GIRL!" I was so thrilled (and bit shocked). My favorite moment was seeing Andy's reaction after he announced it and sat down. I will never forget it.  I would of been happy either way. She did great. She didn't give the biggest cry in the beginning. I honestly think Zoe may of cried more in the beginning, Zayne may of even had a bigger cry. They took her to the warmer for about 5 minutes to get her crying and make sure her breathing was good. They then handed her to me. I was truly so happy to have this moment. I didn't want her to leave. I remember too, everyone in the OR was just amazed at her eyelashes. I used to always tell Andy, when we have kids I hope they get your thick, full, long eyelashes. So far it looks as though that gene is winning.

I can't even express how thankful I am that this beautiful little girl got to stay with me, skin to skin, all through recovery and to my room on postpartum. It was so different than having the twins and something I truly needed to experience. I never let her leave our room. She was with us the whole time. I loved it. If fact, Andy and I got home with her and realized she didn't even get a bath before leaving the hospital. Which, is actually fine with me. I did not want her to have a bath on the first day anyways, It was fun to have her here and give her her first bath.  She only went to the nursery for her weights. Speaking of weight this little one weighed in at 6# 14 oz. (I think she took on a lot of the fluid you get when you are prepped for a C/S) and went home at 6# 3 oz, he recent check up she was 6# 8oz. Her length was 20 1/4 although that may be off a bit or due to the amount of fluids you get in during a C/S as her check up length was 19 1/2.

My favorite photo. Pure happiness.

Love.

I recovered great. Actually I attempted to take pain meds and it made me feel awful and completely out of my element. I should of listened to my gut instinct. When I recovered from Z&Z I took pain pills for about 24 hours then went to just Ibuprofen with an occasional pain pill here and there. As soon as I stopped taking the pain pills this time I felt wonderful.  This recovery has been just as good as Z&Z, besides- I am so busy I don't really have time to think of it. But, I am thankful I am able to bounce back fairly quickly.

It was busy while we were there. Lots of my coworkers/purple family stopping in to say Hi. Also my Sister and Dad were out here to help take care of the twins. I am so thankful that they were able to come out and help. I felt so comfortable leaving them since my Sister is a Nurse and my Dad also has a medical background. Although I was quite sad leaving that am, There were lots of tears. It was so nice to receive pics of them up and eating breakfast and taking their am nap. I have to laugh as they gave my Dad and Sister a run for their money. My Dad said "I haven't work 40 hours that hard ever." HAHA. Once again my Dad brought his bag pipes for Zayne, and rocked Zayne to sleep each night listening to bag pipes. Needless to say it is almost a nightly/daily routine listening to bagpipe music in this household but, somehow it works.

So Beautiful.  (1 day old)

My heart is overflowing. 

We were not settled on a name going into the delivery. We had a list of boy names and a list of girl names. Andy said we would have a name by "vikings kickoff on Monday night." But, we didn't. Ziah was always on our list of girl names. We wanted to go with another Z name although we had one other name picked out that was not a Z name. But, the minute I saw her I knew that was not the name for her. On Tuesday morning Andy said we needed to pick her name. He said he liked Ziah the most because it was so pretty "for a pretty little girl." We also didn't have a middle name. I randomly stumble across Analeigh on Monday night. I really liked it and so did Andy. He felt it fit well with Ziah and was beautiful. I also liked it because it is part his name and part my name (first name). Next was the spelling. I wanted her middle name to be after me or Andy. I loved Analeigh but I did not like that it started with "anal." So, we figured out our own spelling. Maybe someday she will be mad at us or maybe she will love it because it is unique and different. But, Ziah Ahnallie Zehren it is. Ziah means "the light, or glow" (my niece is also Mya). Ahnallie means "favor or grace." I think given the situation we were in and Ziah's story her name fits well. I stumble across this last night and had to add it in. I think it came to me for a reason and goes with her story and the meaning. It was a picture of lit match that said "light has no shadow," with the bible verse, "God is light, in him there is no darkness at all."

You were meant to be here with us. 

Overall this experience has been amazing. Fast, but amazing. It is so crazy how different it is/was. Having a full term baby vs. a preterm baby with a extensive NBICU stay.It is amazing how much love you have for someone. I love her so much, from the minute I saw her.  I had so many fears, I was so nervous, so scared, and so sad at times for what was too come. Obviously I knew it would work out but these feelings are inevitable after going through what we have gone through. Ziah is such a great baby. I just look at her and hold, it's amazing to me to think that she felt all the emotions I went through. And, now she is here and it's like she looks at us like "it's going to be okay." And, it will. We got this and I continue to tell myself that daily. There is no one else that could do what Andy and I are doing right now. 3 under 13 1/2 months is crazy. But, I love it and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am truly truly blessed to be able to stay home and raised these 3 amazing little humans.

PS. It has taken me nearly two weeks to write this post. Mainly because my days are busy. I can't help but look back with tears in my eyes and wonder have I captured it all? I want to remember every moment and it goes all too fast.

"If I know what love is it is because of you." (all of you)

*Lots of pictures. I couldn't narrow it down. Enjoy.

Oh and one quick story for the memory book. I went to get a pedicure the Friday before Ziah was born (thanks to a lovely co-worker that insisted I get out of the house.) I went to this new spa in town. The lady that did my toes was Vietnamese. She asked me what colors I would like. I told her pink and blue and handed her the polish. She looked at me confused. I pointed to my belly and said this little one is coming on Monday and we don't know what it is so Pink and Blue. She says Okay pink and blue, but it's a girl! As we got to talking she asked about Z&Z and she would talk about baby C and always say "She." I told her you are very confident that it is a girl?! She said yes, it is a girl, in my country we know. She said because my belly was narrow and flat that = girl, narrow and pointy = boy. She then goes on to say "you have 2 girls and then 2 boys." I said no, I think just 3. She says, no- in my country we know- 2 girl 2 boy!

Well she was right about the girl. I have to stop in and see her again so that she knows she was right. 2 girls 2 boys???

Oh and she went on to paint my toes pink, all but 1 blue one "just in case."

My whole world.

Such a beauty. So sweet and so precious.

So much love.

Ziah next to 0-3 month clothes.

My Favorite. My heart.

6 days old.

Brotherly Love.

Family of 5. First photo.

Everything is funny at bedtime.

Auntie getting a run for her money. 

Such a beautiful girl.

Grandpa getting a run for his money.

Auntie Love. 

Sister Love.

Daddy's girl.

Not enough time!

My goal was to get up to date on these blog post prior to Baby C's arrival. Again I find myself not having enough time. Although I have to tell myself, What is more important? Time here at the computer or time with the little ones? Although this is important and therapeutic for me I know my time with Z&Z, along with the hubby is much more important.

So, what am I not caught up on (the list is long..haha). Updates: August 21, 2015: My Birthday. Birthday's are quite different once you become a Mom. Last year was spent in the NBICU. This year pregnant and with two 1 year olds scooting around like crazy. I told Andy next year for my 30...something Birthday (J/K... My 35 bday. You are only as old as you feel) I am having a huge Birthday Bash. We didn't do a whole lot for my Birthday. Andy did get me a beautiful charm for my bracelet from him and Z&Z. We wanted to hang out as a family so going out for dinner left us few options. We chose Buffalo Wild Wings as it is loud in there and the twins are distracted and can make noise. Overall is was a great day. I can't forget either that August 20, 2015 was our 4 year anniversary also.  We spent our Anniversary up in Big Sky at Music in the Mountains. Maybe... As I was just talking to Andy neither of us remember what we did for our Anniversary. It may have been to smokey to go to Big Sky... So, on second thought. I think we went to eat somewhere. And this is why I do this blog.

August 24, 2015: Zayne had his f/u appt. in Billings with his pulmonolgist. He did a room air trial with Zayne- Meaning he took him off his oxygen for about 20-30 minutes. Zayne was able to maintain his oxygen saturation between 90-93%. This is great. Although this Dr. would like to keep him greater than 94% because he continues to be high risk for pulmonary hypertension. He took a listen to his lungs, We asked  him how he feels about Zayne. He said Respiratory wise Zayne is doing great weight wise, his weight sucks (I think were his exact words). We are able to wean down Zayne on his oxygen during the days again and keep him where he is at during the night. They drew some labs on Zayne and also took a chest xray. His Dr's nurse called us the next day to tell us that Zayne's xray "looked wonderful." The both the radiologist and the Dr were pleased and impressed. They also did not see any scarring of cystic lesions on his lungs either. (If he had a scope done like he did before they would probably see more) but for now this is great news and we will take it. The Dr. plans to continue to wean Zayne very slow. He is very insistent (so are we and every other Doctor that he sees) that Zayne gets the synergis injection which helps to protect him from RSV again. They continue to tell us and we are well aware that it is absolutely crucial for Zayne to not get RSV. So we are praying hard that he will qualify and be given the extra protection.

August 25, 2015: We did Z&Z one year pics and a few maternity photos and family photos. Andy was not at all stoked to do these. I will never understand why guys don't understand the importance of photos. We chose to do them at a later time. 6pm. The twins did great. They actually both smiled for a few. I think it was more difficult to get Andy to participate that them. I am so glad we got them done and in my opinion it is worth every dollar I spent as I will for ever cherish them. Zayne is such a Ham. He loves the camera. The photographer was joking that people are going to be calling him up to use as a model.

August 27, 2015: Today I had a f/u ultrasound for Baby C. We continue to learn what we already know. That baby C appears to be on the smaller side. Fluid is good, cord is good, and as far as they can tell everything else looks great. We will continue to watch the growth, being the baby is in the 7% the worry is that the growth will continue to slow or stop. After all we have been through this brings little worry to me. I know that this is a risk factor of back to back pregnancy. I also am assure by the U/S and by my Doctors that as of right now things look good. Small but good.

September 7, 2015: We took a trip to West Yellowstone to finally go eat at my best friend Misty's restaurant. Also it was important to me to spend some quality time with these two before Baby C. Although it always seem hectic and like there is never enough time, it was great to take a drive down there. We went for a small little hike, and took some pictures with them. It was really important to me to get some pics and get some one on one time with them before life as we know it changes.

Update on Z&Z: We recently changed Zayne's diet. It's been changed for about a month. We took it into our own hands and I have done research on doing a blended diet. We hit a wall with his g tube feedings and were really getting no where in the progress that he was making. We started the blended diet. We went slow starting with a Avocado, then a Banana, and slowly kept adding. There are not many Doctors or dietitians out there that support us. But we went for it and we are not going back. Zayne is like a new kid. He has so much energy, and as if he couldn't get happier he is. He is a happy little guy (although he is fully capable of having a wicked bad temper) He just looks better. AND... He has not spit up once since we started the blenderized diet. He is doing so so well with it. We recently were able to get a vitamix which should help in making his meals even easier. We are so pleased with the results that we are seeing.

They both are busy busy. They are on the go and into everything. Neither one is walking yet, but we are okay with that. Zoe is about 19# 4oz. and Zayne is about 18# 4oz. I had Zayne in again to have his ears checked. He still has some fluid in them but we are hoping he is able to fight off this last ear infection. They did talk tubes. But, Andy and I are going to do everything in our power to avoid the tubes. He is going to see a chiropractor, use some essential oils, and some garlic oil. Call us crazy but we have heard great results of it and this is our beliefs.

September 13, 2015: This is not at all how I wanted these last blog posts to go. I may have to edit and add the pictures later. Again, not enough time. But here it is the night before the C/S and the OCD in me or whatever you would like to call it won't be happy until this is checked off the list. Maybe not complete but it's checked off. I can not tell you the many tears I have had leading up to this day. The emotions are wild. Call it pregnancy, call it hormones, being a girl, or just being a MOM. I wish I had more time with just the twins. I am worried to leave them as I have never left them before. I don't trust a lot of people with them (I have and will continue to only leave them with people who have a medical back ground, for Zayne's sake.). And maybe it's not even a trust issue, more that I know Andy and I do the very best with them and no one can replace that. And it is important to me that people do things how we want them vs. how they want too or what they think is best for them. It drives me crazy. We know what is best for them, whether any one else agrees or not. I cry thinking of the last rock of just Z&Z, the last bath of just the two of them, the last nap time with just them, etc. It's so crazy what you feel and go through. But, as a Mom I know you find the time for each of them. I know that this little surprise is truly a blessing from above and that the love we feel now is going to triple tomorrow morning. But, it's still hard. And just as I told myself with Z&Z during the NBICU and the biggest hurdle of our life. "We got this." "Go Z team." And "always be the Buffalo."

**Pictures Coming Soon**

Showered with Love.

August 14,  2015: When we came back for a visit to Montana back in May, My co-worker/good friend Deb stopped over for a visit and to see the twins. We were talking and she mentioned that her and some other girls from work were thinking of doing a "sip and see" for me and Z&Z when we were home and settled as I did not get a baby shower prior to the twins being born. I looked at her and told her well if you want you can still "Do both." Haha. Her face was great. She looked a little confused and then said "congrats" and gave me a hug.

Beautiful Flowers. I ddn't take many pics. I will get more. 

So her and a few of my co-workers planned a beautiful baby shower for me. Many came and it was so wonderful to hang out with them and chat. I received some wonderful gifts but same thing here I had asked for no gifts and to just do a donation to the NBICU and Womens Special Care. They put together several beautiful baskets for me to take back to SLC at some point and give back to the two units that we spent so much time in.

Two baskets to donate back.

This too was a bit emotional for me. These emotions are wild. I don't know where they come from. But they are there. Maybe part of it is pregnancy. Maybe it's just me. But, I do know that a lot of it is situational and PTSD. It's what I have to deal with right now and continue to process these emotions and work through them. But, the reflection process will always be there. You can't go through what we have went through and not reflect back, It has forever changed us and it is something we will continue to grow and learn from.

At the baby shower they girls did these cute little cards "BABY LOVE: Wishes for Baby." I wanted to share a few of my favorites.

*I hope you love to Snowmobile (So do we little one, So do we)
*I hope you get to travel the world. (9 out of 12 said this.. Which is so cool- Andy and I always talk about how important it is that our kids travel and do what they want, and we will encourage them to. Even if they choose to do that before college. We hope it is something they will do).
*I hope you become the best you can be.
*I hope you grow to appreciate life always. 
*I hope you are always grateful. (Remember Little One, It is the small things that mean the most)
*I hope you love the mountains. 
*I hope you grow vegetables. (Your Dad will teach you)
*I hope you Respect life. (Love your life. It's that simple)
*I hope you Grow Flowers. 
*I hope you always find the beauty in life. (Enjoy the simple things, Treasure the Moments).
*I hope you become your brother and sisters best friend. (So do we.) 
*I hope you Grow up Slowly. (Don't Rush It)
*I hope you Respect Yourself. (Love yourself little one).
*I hope you learn to have fun no matter what (You only live once, Enjoy it.)
*I hope you always Smile. (We want nothing but happiness for you). 
*I hope you become creative and unafraid
*I hope you learn to Paint-Very therapeutic.
*I hope you realize a dream come true
*I hope you respect all people and the Earth. 
*I hope you become whatever you want to be. 
*I hope you laugh at your Mom- She really is Funny!
*I hope you respect you "Elders"
*I hope you aren't afraid to take chances in life.
*I hope you respect and embrace each age along the way.
*I hope you never forget how much your Parents love you. 
*I hope you always know how much you are loved. 
*I hope you never forget to tell your parents you love them.

I really enjoyed reading these and look forward to sharing these with Baby C someday. I will tell them all about their Bozeman Family. Actually these are some of my favorites and I hope to share them with all 3 of them and hope they will influence them on this little journey we call life. 

We will do our best to teach them all we can, show them all the love we can, whats truly important in life, and to give them the best we can. But it the end, I think they will give us more than they could ever imagine. Teach us more than we could ever imagine, and show us what life is all about. 
                                                                    

Today you are you.

One Year! I can't even believe it. I can't even describe the many emotions that I have went through leading up to this day. There have been many tears, some days I don't know why. Fear of getting past 33 weeks, my hope is that my fears and worries lessen as I get past 33 weeks and I can truly relax and enjoy the last part of this pregnancy.

Our SuperHero's are One year! What a blessing this past year has been for us. It has been and continues to be a roller-coaster of emotions. But, one thing we do know is that we have been blessed with these two little miracles. They definitely make our days Brighter and bring smiles to our faces every morning we wake up.

We decided to celebrate we were going to do a small little get together with just our closest friends here in Bozeman. I did not want a above and beyond one year old party. I did the party the day before their actual Birthday also as Andy and I felt it was important to spend their day with them as a family, The 4 of us.

The party went great. Zoe slept through most of it so we didn't even get to sing Happy Birthday to them and we waited to give them their cupcakes due to her sleeping. For the most part they were great and loved being outside and playing.

Of-course the party was superhero themed. It had to be right? They really are the biggest fighters we know. They had the cutest little outfits on, Andy wore his Batman shirt and I too found a shirt that was fitting for the occasion.

Zoe weighs in at 18# 10oz and is 28" long at one year. She continues to be funny, happy, and outgoing. She is not afraid to show her temper, although I say hers is usually easy to manage as you know what it is she wants. She can stand on her own and walk along furniture. She loves to go in her swing, play in her fish swimming pool with the balls in it, go swimming, take baths, and is learning to not be such a bully to her brother. She has 6 teeth at this time. 2 on bottom and 4 on top. (She now has 7 as she got a third one on the bottom.)

Zayne weighs in at 17# 10oz. and is 27 3/4" long. They continue to keep that pound difference between them. Zayne is learning to scoot and to stand also. He has come a long ways. He is such a happy little guy and continues to love to snuggle and give kisses. He too has a temper. His is actually worse than Zoe's. I am not sure where the two get it from ;) two little grizzly bears at times. Zayne has 7 teeth 4 on top and 3 on the bottom (he now has 11, 6 on top 2 which are his one year molars and 4 on bottom 1 that is a one year molar). Teething has not been fun for Mom and Dad. Zayne also loves his bath time, loves playing outside, going in his swing, playing with the doggies, and going swimming.

I am sure Zoe had just woken up. Mya wanted her pic taken with Zoe.
When I took it she said "Take a picture of
our hands. Such a sweetie.

Andy was out of town the whole week prior to their Birthday. My Mom, Jocelyn, Mindy and Mya all came out here to help me while he was gone. It was so nice to have them here and have them help out with the twins and getting the party ready.

Andy and I woke up on their Birthday with intentions to go for a hike and then take them for a swim somewhere. It quickly turned in to a morning of naps. It was really sweet as Andy tried to wake me up on their birth times to celebrate, Instead he captured it in a picture. 

We all took a nice long well deserved nap the morning of their Birthday. We then packed up the Suburban and headed up the mountains to Hylte to go to swimming. It was a nice little day spent with the 4 of us. We then came home and Andy decided we needed to have crab legs for dinner in celebration of their Bday. We also gave them their cupcakes. It was so fun to watch them. Zoe was actually the one a bit more timid with hers and Zayne smashed his everywhere, he didn't eat any but had so much fun making a mess. But, we did learn he likes twizzlers and we gave him a twizzlers to play with and he actually put it in his mouth and chewed on it a bit. After dinner we did a bath and gifts. We did not have many gifts to open, which was so nice. Andy and I requested no gifts and if people wanted to do anything then it was to bring something to donate to the NBICU or Women's Special Care. These guys have so much and they honestly do not play with their toys. Plus it's about simplicity, necessities. and what truly matters. 

I can't believe this day has come and gone. It came so quickly and I look back and feel like it is somewhat of a blur. Partly due to being in the NBICU for so long, Partly for being in SLC for so long, and then partly because we are raising to busy twins. The days fly by. I am doing my best to capture and treasure those moments. I remind myself daily to not take it for granted. I love being a Mom to these two little humans, I love staying home with them. I know that I am so lucky and so fortunate to be able to do that and to have been blessed with these two wonders. 

"Today you are you, That is truer than true. There is no one else who is youer than you." Mr. Dr. Suess. 

PS. As I proof read through this, I have to chuckle as I feel I made these two sound like sweet little Angels. Although we are and we consider ourselves quite fortunate, they have also turned into Monsters. Somehow I forgot to mention some of their new recent favorite things to do. 

-Take all the tupperware out of the cupboard (I don't mind but Andy recently put a lock on it)

-Take the lids out from under the stove

-Zayne loves to pull up the vents

-Pull up the carpet, or pluck pieces out. 

-Help with the Dishes (so they think, this may be their favorite.)

-Through Moms folded clothes on the floor

-Take ALL their books off their book shelf.

-Take all the Diapers out of the Bin

-Take all the burp cloths out of the bin. 

As I was saying... They do not need toys... This is their entertainment. Love them to pieces

BABY C

I figured it's time for a little update/follow up of Baby C. I am in the process and will get it done of getting the twins birthday blog up (that one requires a lot more time, thoughts, and emotions.)

All is well with little Baby C.  I continue to feel great overall. Maybe slightly tired (haha) but I am not even sure I can blame it on the pregnancy. Chasing two 13 month olds around is challenging. I love that I am able to go for walks, get outside (although that has been limited due to smoke), or just get out of the house for a bit (those outings are few and far between also) either way I am thankful to not be laying in bed. 

I really do feel great. I have had wicked bad tailbone pain that I have toughed out since about 8-10 weeks. I am hoping after delivery it magically disappears. Other than that I am doing well. I actually am one of the weird ones that love being pregnant. It truly is amazing. 

I say all is well with "little" Baby C. Key word is little. Apparently this baby is measuring small. I really have no concerns or worries of this. It's not 4# or 4# 6oz. small. I have had several U/S. My last one was last week and the baby came in at the 7%. They do not like to see them below the 10% mark. So today I had a follow up with my Doctor. We did another U/S and a biophysical profile, which looked wonderful. Afterwards my Doctor and I chatted. We do have the option to move the date of delivery if we would want to. But, She feels confident that we can make the scheduled date of the 14th. We will repeat the same test we did today in a week. For now Andy and I are sticking with the 14th. I am not a fan of early deliveries so getting to the 39 mark is important to me and what I feel is best. 

I told my Doctor that I am not too worried about the growth, unless it were to stop. The growth interval wasn't spectacular, but it wasn't awful either. With the twins I was so sick, by the time I got to SLC at 23.4 weeks, I had lost around 15-17 pounds. I never really gained this back afterwards or before I got pregnant 4.5 months later :/ I told my Doctor that I feel my body has given all that it can give. It's doing it's best to keep up. I used to joke that the twins sucked the life out of me during the pregnancy... They left nothing for this little one. She two agrees. She said that I have great insight. But also this is a risk factor of back of back pregnancy. Who knows maybe it will come out a Monster like me weighing in at 8# 10oz. 

Baby C at 36.5 Weeks. Feeling great!

I am getting slightly more excited as the date approaches. Honestly though, it doesn't even seem real to me or possible :( I am still adjusting to the twins and they are so busy. They are on the go daily, I feel I am constantly running a marathon. I think or I am hoping that once the baby is here and I hold him/her in my arms that it will be pure happiness and bliss, and if I cry and have a breakdown for the 3-4 days that I am in the hospital, well that is needed also and will be good for me. 

I have done my best to enjoy this last month of pregnancy. Like I said I really do like being pregnant. It is truly magical (I know, I am probably one of those annoying Mom's) But, I am so blessed to be able to home three little ones. I am actually kind of sad and mourning that this is almost over... I won't get another chance to have a little one grow inside, to feel the little kicks, to see and hear the heartbeat for the first  time, and see the little face for the first time via U/S. To anticipate the gender, discuss names, and wonder who he/she will look like. So, there is some sadness there. It is weird how these thoughts come to surface. Who knew this is how I would feel. 

When I brought Zoe home at a month of age I had feelings (and I felt awful about them) of how it would of been nice to have just one. I still look at Mom's with just one and have a bit of envy for them that they get to enjoy all the moments with one and not have to share. I have this same feeling again. It brings tears to my eyes. I feel I am still getting a routine with the twins, we are doing so much, they are developing their little personalities, everyday they change, and now there is a part of me that wishes I had more time with just the twins. I explained this to my Dr. the other day with tears in my eyes. She explained these feelings are completely normal and that I will feel so blessed and be so loved with these 3 little ones. I know I will/we will. We will feel blessed, and I do feel honored that I have been given the chance to be their Mommy and that they chose us as parents. 

Pink or Blue? 10 days!

"As much as you want to plan this life, it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned. That what you call God's will."