That time...

You got this Boy! Toughest man I know!

I find it weird how this time of year approaches and all of the sudden you are flooded with emotions. Maybe it's not even "that time of year" (Christmas) but more so the events that took place this prior year. Last year this time we were still dividing our time between our (temporary) Home and the NBICU (our Home). Wait, isn't home suppose to be Bozeman? Aren't we suppose to be "Home" in Bozeman as a family of 4? HOME... It has a whole new definition. By the end of our time in SLC, Andy and I said, "we could live in a tent, as long as we are together that is what matters"

I sit here and find myself emotional and tearful. I miss SLC. I miss the family we created there, and somehow I miss the Women's Special Care Unit and the NBICU. As I put up our tree tonight and hung the decorations, sat and chit-chatted with Andy as the 3 were sleeping, I couldn't help but have tears in my eyes. I thought of last Christmas, how torn we were, as it was our first Christmas with kiddos, but our first Christmas that we couldn't spend all together. I put up our tree and as I did I couldn't fight back the tears as so many ornaments are from SLC, or those special someone's who cared for us during the most challenging times. I wonder, how do these feelings occur? The answer.. You all were there for us during the most challenging of times. I don't look back on this time as a negative experience, as a sad experience, awful, bad, miserable etc. Difficult,,, Yes. Would I change....umm, maybe. But, probably not, I honestly can say that I can look back on our stay and I can smile. I know we were where we needed to be. I know that it is because of the University of Utah that my little ones are here today!

I sometimes feel a bigger connections/desire to be in SLC than I do Bozeman. I ask myself Why?

Jace, you are the man. You have no Idea what this meant/means to me.

 We created a family there. When I had nobody, when I felt most alone, when the odds were against us, were against Zayne, We created a family. These people were there for us during the most challenging times. They helped us stay strong, stay positive, and focus on the good that we had (even if that meant leaving as a family of 3). They fought the fight with us, every.step.of.the.way. We couldn't have done it without them. You know who you are. Nurses, Doctors, Fellows, NP'S, RT's, Pharmacy, Lactation, Aides, Reception, Radiology, Transport, Flight, Residents. Etc. We wouldn't have made it without you.

So as this time approaches, there are tears, there is sadness, there is the feeling that I miss SLC. But, it is bittersweet. I am so Happy. My heart is so full, and I am so Grateful.  Be proud of yoursleves and all that you have done. You made a difference in our lives, We are forever Grateful to all of you. You are our family. It is because of you that I get to look at my Son daily and see his fight and determination with a smile (well that and he is a bada$$, excuse me fighter/Batman...He is Batman) But, You.. You all made a difference.

I know these times may never get easier, or maybe they will get easier, but this reflection process will always be there. Which is okay, it makes me a better person, a better Mom. I have learned so much through this journey. I feel so blessed to that we were chosen to take on this journey. I able to smile more and more as I look back and realize what a fighter he is, What a fighters they both are, If it weren't for Zoe, Zayne would not be here.

Ivonne..Little did I know she would become a favorite of ours. Singing "twinkle, twinkle, little Star"

"Sweet Hailey! I promise He is a Ute Fan."

Oh Virginia... How will we ever forget or thank you for that precious moment of allowing us to hold him for the first time at 10 days old." Thankyou!!

Lindsey! You just "get it" you really do! and you have your own Z team at home!

Knuckles... Enough said! Man Cave! Thanks for being there!

Umm... Are we your longest Patient? I mean from Moms bedrest to my 164 day stay? Thanks for keeping my Mom smiling and positive.

She loved him. They all did

Another heart he captured.

I made you retire?? Thanks for your love. 

Biggest NBICU good-bye! He is a celebrity!

This picture says so much!

He's coming! Your Brother is coming home!

Famiy of 4!!!

So, maybe this post comes premature (haha). And maybe I will post the same thing/pics come January. But, I felt these emotions last December as we prepared for Zayne's discharge, and now again I feel the same emotions and the reflection even maybe a bit more intense. Now, this is a reflection of you... and all that you have done. You, made a difference... but, I know this guy has made a difference in many, many lives. Thank you!

"I thank you for being a part of our Journey." 
"Embrace the Journey."

I wrote this last night and prior to going to bed I stumbled across this. Like someone was listening to me and knew I needed to read this. It's as if I wrote it. Such a good post.

http://themighty.com/2015/12/6-things-i-wish-id-known-about-recovering-from-emotional-trauma/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=Mighty_Page&utm_campaign=GENERAL