Crazier timez!

I keep telling myself I have to get this post done and up to date before Halloween. It's weird how time goes so fast but yet I look back on what I need/want to blog about and it all seems so long ago when really I have about 10 days to reflect back on.

Little, but needed stitches and it sure left a goose egg!

October 20, 2015: My last blog post talked of my crazy week I had with someone falling off a bed, off a chair, items being thrown down the vents, red bull cans be dumped on someone. I thought that week was crazy and that maybe just maybe things would calm down. Nope, wrong! Words of advice Never let you guard down or turn your back on twins! and whoever said that the first year with twins is the toughest- LIED! So on this morning we woke and had our normal routine. Breakfast, diapers, get dressed, play etc. I really wanted to shower and I was lucky enough that Andy was able to fit that in on his schedule where he could come watch everyone. Once done- I was hanging with the kiddos. I had yet to brush my hair out and thought I could sneak in the bedroom- they could come too- and brush it out quickly. I turned my back for a few seconds-literally. I think I got one side brushed out before I heard a loud crash and a awful scream. I look back and my heart sank. Zayne had someone managed to pull my jewelry box (which is a tall standing jewelry box) down on top of him. My guess is he pulled out a drawer and tried to climb up on it. He is a monkey and climbs everything. All of the drawers fell out on top of him, I had a hard time picking him up from under it. When I did, I immediately saw the cut on his head (luckily that was all that there was) I knew right away he needed stitches. I could barely get my words out of what happened when going to get Andy. It was awful, I felt awful. But, the kiddo is tough- He was laughing his way out the door as Andy took him to get stitches. So the two of them spent a couple hours in the ER to get one stitch (because he threw too big of a fit to get anymore) and the rest glue. Nothing like two trips to the ER in 4 days!! 

Mom cried too. Broke my heart!

This little lady at her 1 month appt.

October 21, 2015: Ziah had her One month check up. All was well. She weighed in at 8# 1oz. and 19 3/4 inches. (clearly her length was wrong at delivery where they had her length at 20"- She is not shrinking). She is a wee little one. About the 5%. I asked he doctor what percent she is in, he kind of gave me a weird look (as if I shouldn't be concerned) He said "only about the 5th" I ask if he is concerned at all, and he said "nope, the red line is going up and that is what we want to see." The perfect answer. She continues to be a little sweetheart. She is pretty mellow and so patient, somehow I think she just knows that she has to be. She loves to snuggle at night. Meaning snuggle after her middle of the night feeding. I like to think she knows this is when she can get some good "mommy time" in. So, many nights I end up falling asleep in the rocker with her or on the couch- Simply because I am tired. She is just starting to smile at us this week. It is adorable. 

Such a big strong girl.

A visit with one of my favorite humans. The kiddos love their Auntie Misty and She made a special trip from West Yelli just to hang with her 3 favorite kiddos. 

October 24, 2015: We spent this weekend "Zayne proofing the house. We moved their bedroom into out "big" room and put ourselves into their "little" room. We also cut their door in half so that they can play in their room and I can shut the little part of the door and still see them. Some
will say what was wrong with a baby gate? Zayne will plow right through it or climb right over it.
Since we moved their room into the Big room, Zayne has slept in there every night and is no longer in our room- Which is nice (we also simply don't have room) But, also that means every dang time his sensor goes off we are getting up to check on him. You win some you lose some. Another pro.. Both Zoe and Zayne have been in bed sleeping everyday this week by 8:30. It was like a flip of a switch and all the sudden they want to be sleeping by 8-8:30. It has been a great week. Hopefully it will continue. This is why we have never fought them on their bedtimes (well to a certain extent). We feel they will fall into their own routine and pattern, and they

Playing in their card board house. A new favo

You can see the joy and excitement.

October 29, 2015: Last night was a huge step for us. We have been working hard, and been so patient with Zayne and his feedings. Again, this is a area where we do not push him. We let him drive the ship. We have always felt that Zayne will do things when he is ready. We are very picky and set in our ways when it comes to Zayne's feeding plan. He continues to be a high risk for aspiration, he has never really swallowed solid foods so we do not know how that will go and, it will take one negative feeding experience from someone else feeding him and he will have a set back. We have made it very clear that no one is to feed Zayne other than us, his therapist, and maybe Zoe here and there:) About a month ago I was attempting to feed Zayne a food pouch. He took his usual few bites and appeared done. I should say that we sit down for dinner every night and Zayne sits with us and gets little pieces of what we are having for dinner on his tray and we attempt a food pouch.  On this night about a month ago when I thought he was done, he leaned in after the pouch like he wanted some (I had been attempting to spoon feed him) come to find out he did want more and wanted me to squeeze it into his mouth from the pouch. So, that has been our new way of feeding. Last night was a break through as he ate and ENTIRE pouch to himself. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I was so happy for him and he was so proud of himself. He has been doing well, we will sit on the floor and him and Zoe will share a pouch but he usually will let you know when he is done. Same thing on his therapy day, when he is done he is done, and he means business. Well last night he was happy and going after it, we let him know how proud we were when he finished the whole pouch. We have a long ways to go yet with the tube. But, baby steps...WE GOT THIS! 

You got this buddy!!

Overall life has been great. It is busy and chaotic but it is good. We are adjusting well and developing our routine. I must say that I truly feel like a superhero every time I can get all 3 of them down for their nap during the day, which happens most days. Many say "I don't know how you do it, or I could never do what you are doing, or you guys are crazy." Maybe we are a bit crazy, but we love the chaos. We would like more sleep, but in time that will come too. I had a lot of fear about Ziah, I was unsure of the emotions that I felt. Looking back I think it was fear of the unknown, fear of going through what we had just went through, etc. Ziah fits into our lives perfect. It was definitely meant to be. She joined us for a reason, and I feel so lucky that we were chosen to have her as our gift. Having her showed me what a normal pregnancy is like, a normal delivery, and a normal stay in the hospital. It also opened a void that I have and a loss that I feel. It made me look back on the twins and realize how much Andy and I were robbed of (Yes, we have the two most amazing gift/miracles one could ask for but, I have learned that it is okay to be pissed about things you missed out on). I look at all the time I have spent with Ziah so far, all the little moments I have captured with her, and then I think little Zoe wasn't even home with us yet. I can't even think about the difference with her and Zayne yet as that time frame brings tears to my eyes and is still tough to deal with. 5 1/2 Months! You miss a lot in 5 1/2 months! All those little snuggles, the late night snuggles, the little smirks that turn into smiles, the cries in the middle of the night that I get to wake up to and console and snuggle, the little first, their developing personality, etc. that is all witnessed by us here in our home and not by one of our nurses that gets to tell us what happened during the day or night. It's hard, really hard. I took Ziah to have her newborn pics done, she was one week. I won't lie- there were definitely some tears. As I look back, I never got one photo of Zoe and Zayne as tiny newborns side by side, those cute little twin pictures that you see. I didn't get my first photo of them together until we were taking them home, And I didn't get to hold the two of them together until halloween when they were almost 3 months old. So, Yes there are a lot of emotions This was meant to be a blog post all on it own but somehow I wiggled it's way into this post. I will continue on it more later. Right now we are getting ready for a fun night of tricks and treats. We can't wait.

Someone once sent this to me: Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything tell God what you need and Thank Him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 4: 6-7 

A few more pics for enjoyment. PS. I am posting this on Halloween (It's not over yet, Goal met?) Now to work on a Halloween post.

Sleeping with Dad.

Crazy hair.

Love of Bath Time. So happy!

Our little Fish!

My Favorite!

Go Utes!

Precious!

Another little fish!

One Month.

Happy One Month!

October 14, 2015: Today marks One Month for Ziah. One Month Old and one month in our lives. Although busy and chaotic and a little less sleep, life is beautiful and I can't imagine it without her.
She has not had her one month f/u appointment so I am unsure of her current weight and height
although she loves to eat. I continue to nurse her and she also gets a bottle. She is currently still in newborn clothes but quickly out growing them. She loves to sleep and is a bit of a night owl, but not too bad. I always told myself she would be a night owl as that is when she was most active and for 9 months she helped me walk and sing Zoe to sleep.

We have had many visitors out to see Ziah. It is nice to have people come visit and help out but I can't lie and say that it is also nice to just be us and be in our routine. I am also so thankful and so grateful for all those that have stopped over and brought us a frozen meal. I can' tell you how nice it is to not have to think about dinner or prepare dinner after Andy is done with work. It has been wonderful.

October 8th, 2015: This evening we attended our good friends Jesse and Anita's daughter Stella's 4th birthday party. It was held out at the Bozeman hot springs. Andy and I were unsure of who was all going to go, if we would bring all 3. I lined up a baby sitter for Ziah, I was a little nervous to leave her. Zayne had a weight check on this day with his dietetic. He had a great weight gain, weighing in at 18# 14oz. proabably his best weight gain yet. She quickly followed it up by.."Do you plan on

She loves to Swim!

taking him out any where?" I told her we had planned on the birthday party, but other than no. She was pretty adamant on not taking him anywhere due to the approaching RSV season (Andy had already mention in the am that he didn't think Zayne should go). So the decision was simple, Zayne would stay back. He may not of liked this decision but he got to stay back with his buddy Lisa and I know they had lots of fun and laughs. Zoe and Ziah got to go to the Birthday party. Really it was Zoe and Dad that got to participate, Ziah and I just supervised. Zoe of-course loved the pool, she is a little fish and so brave. She went to the outdoor pool, she would sit on the end and jump to Andy. She swam a bunch and wore herself out. It is so cute to see her and how much she loves to swim.

October 9-12, 2015: My family got the opportunity to come out and visit us this week. I was really glad to have my Mom come out and get to meet baby Ziah. Jocelyn and Mya also got to come and meet Ziah, along with a special guest... My Grandma. Although it is a lot of people at once it was nice to have them here and get to spend time with them and them getting to be with the twins and meet Ziah. Mya is such a little helper with the twins, she loves to play with them and take care of them. She also is pretty fond of Ziah, not to mention she thinks Ziah's name is pretty cool as it rhymes with Mya (and I am certain that Ziah is the only one to be allowed to have any association with Mya's name.) It absolutely broke my heart seeing Mya say good-bye to her best buddy Zayne and shed tears with her hug to him.

Probably one of my favorite pics.

Trying to capture everyone looking and smiling. 

We spent time going to the Pumpkin patch. Me, Andy, Zoe, Jocelyn, and Mya attempted to go grouse hunting, although Andy says Zoe is not the best hunter as she wanted to sing the whole time (I thought it was rather cute.) We then had a little picnic in the woods. We also went to this place called Arts on Fire and were able to paint some ceramics that we picked out which was really fun.

October 15-16, 2015: I have to write about these two days just to have them on record. I am sure that there are many to follow and someday I will be able to write another book just about the twins and their shenanigans. October 15, I was out feeding Ziah around 5 ish-6 ish am (at the time does it really matter what time it is?) When I heard Zoe fall off the bed...Awesome- great start to the am (Soon we are going to go to my friend Kelly's plan... Live like college students and put the mattress on the floor). Next, all kids up. The twins LOVE to mess with Ziah. I turn my head for a moment (that is key in this whole story.. We literally turn our head for a second) I hear poor little Ziah let out the biggest cry. There is Zoe trying to get Ziah. I go over to rescue her and her eye is covered in blood cause Zoe scratch it. (I am sorry Ziah, sorry for this craziness and thankful you are so patient and tough) Next (Let me just mention that Zayne is a maniac, he is into everything) Zayne is down in their bed room. He loves to pull the vents up from the floor, well this time he threw it down the shoot. I go to to take Zayne out of the room, rescue the vent, come back out, Zoe is sitting on the rocking chair drinking a bottle, turn my head for one second to see where scoots is off too and look back just in time to see Zoe falling head first off the rocking chair (I almost caught her). I go and pick her up to find her nose cut open (right where your nose attaches to you top lip) I honestly contemplated whether or not she needed a stitch or some glue (I will invest in my own steri strips for the future), and I know I cried more tears than her. The evening was then finished off by Andy taking the kiddos in the garage with him (they LOVE to hang out there with him) He said he literally turn his head long enough to click and open a email, looked back and found Zoe shaking a full can of red bull on herself. Let's not forget the number of time I put the tuperware away throughout the day and I can't forget to mention that all 3 kiddos have snotty noses. May the force be with me. Life of twins, 3 under 14 months. And, Just when you thought this was enough... The twins decided differently. On October 16.. One day later. I started my day as usual...chasing these two none stop. I noticed they were playing so nicely together and thought I should check my Cardiac Science email. I opened one email, read it, thought to myself..."My it is quiet over there." Looked to see what the two were doing, just in time (not really) to see Zoe swinging Zayne's gtube in the air (balloon still inflated and all...there is 4cc of water in that balloon that need to come out of a hole the size of a pencil). I tried to put the g tube back in myself as Andy and I have been educated on how to do this and I have done this 2 other times. I was unable to get it

Just a little comedian. 

in, Andy also tried and he too could not get it in. Really? Do we really need to take our first trip to the ER for this? I called his primary DR. but it was taking too long for a return phone call (the hole can close quite quickly) I decided just to start driving. We were lucky (or maybe it's cause I work at the hospital and know the Docs) but were able to get into the clinic. One of the Docs I know attempted to replace his g tube and he too was unsuccessful (partly because Zayne was so pissed and clenching his stomach muscles doesn't help). So off to the ER we go, the Dr at the clinic sent us there thinking he would need conscious sedation. I was so so nervous for him to have to receive conscious sedation due to his lungs. Luckily the Er Dr was able to replace the G tube (orginally he said we will just do Cons. Sed. when I explained Zayne's history and his lungs he was much more hesitant to do the conscious sedation) Lucking he got it in. So I question, are we really going to survive life of twins? life of 3 under 14 months? WE GOT THIS!!


Like I mentioned., Zayne is a maniac. He is into everything, Mr. Curious George. He can climb up on stuff and is taking steps along furniture, he is so busy. He also has a temper and does not like to  be told no or have things taken away from him. But, at the same time he is the sweetest most loving little guy.  Zoe is starting to walk a lot more. I wouldn't say she is fully walking or I should say walking all the time but she can walk a good distance, she still gets around a lot by crawling. She is so sweet to watch her with Ziah. She is a little Mother. She brings pacies to Zayne and Ziah, Rocks her in her little hammock, and is always showing concern when either cries. She also loves to give kisses. She continues to love to fight bedtime, I am just happy if they are all 3 sleeping or 2/3 sleeping by 9:30. They both love bath time, their favorite thing to do is pull tuperware out and sit in the draw of the stove or help put dishes away and sit on the door of the dishwasher (I don't even know why we have toys.) They love to go for walks also. Zayne is continuing his therapy. Although Andy jokes that if he keeps crawling up on things, that he is going to get fired from Schad as Schad is going to think he is faking any reason for needed therapy. He recently got fitted for braces for his feet so that he can get his feet straighten out. He also has feeding therapy that continues to be slow progress, definitely on Zayne's terms. But, he loves to follow Zoe around and pick up her gold fish from her come, put them in his mouth and then spit them out. Or better yet..They both love to find the dog food and chew on a few pieces.

So tonight October 17 I sit here able to type this blog. I tell Andy "you have no idea how happy it makes me to be able to write a blog." It really is therapy for me. This is one of many that are on the list of blogs needed to be type. Some may wonder how I am even able to type this right now... I question it myself. But, there is a first for everything. Tonight at dinner Zoe fell asleep in her high chair, This NEVER happens, neither her nor Zayne have ever fallen asleep somewhere they shouldn't. All 3 kiddos were sleeping by 9pm! What? What do I even do with my time? how much can I accomplish in the next 3 hours?

 I sometimes wonder, is it a good thing that I am no longer tired and no longer need naps during the day? I think this is God's mysterious way of working. I continue to be forever thankful and grateful that I have been blessed with these 3 and this is my "Job." I am so fortunate that I am able to stay home with the 3 of them and experience these shenanigans, boy would I be missing out otherwise.

Enjoying her snuggles with her buddies. 

Ute Family. Go Utes. 

Cutest #7 I know.

My little love bug. 

Mom Stop with these stupid pics.

Mindy and Mya, Love this pic

Add caption

This Boy! Love him!

Beauty all around.

September 30, 2015: I keep asking myself, "How do I capture it all?" My heart is so full. It is amazing the love you feel for you children. I feel so blessed and so grateful for all that I have.

This week Ziah turned two weeks old. She is such a good baby. She sleeps lots still. Is a great eater. I am working on nursing her and bottle feeding. She is so sweet. Such a patient little girl. Some days I feel bad cause she is around constant chaos, but I think someday she too will feel blessed and grateful for what she has. I think God gave her patience and made her the patient one for a reason. She is starting to wake up a little more, and is eating more. She has the sweetest little face, and sweetest eyes, I just love when she looks at you. My days go so fast chasing the twins around, and taking care of Ziah. I am constantly wondering "how can I capture all of this?" I am so busy that I know I will look back and this is all going to be a blur, that I do not want, it brings tears to my eyes. So, I will continue to take lots of pics and blog as much as I can.

8 Days. Mom trying to be a photographer again.

Melts my heart.

Outfit from Auntie.

Loves Baths.

My favorite. Can't capture them enough.
"There is no footprint too small that can't leave an imprint on this world."

She loves her sister. She always wants to give kisses.

Zoe is doing great. She started to take her first steps when I was in the hospital having Ziah. I was worried she would walk without me getting to see it. But, she has held off. I told my Sister and Dad that it would be just like her to start walking when I am not there, little stinker. She is not fully walking yet but will take 4-5 steps at a time, getting braver.  She loves to babble. She really has a lot to say. I love when she really gets going, really means business, and her cute little head gets going and starts nodding. She also can really yell with her babbling. Although it may be a little loud, and slightly annoying, I tell myself she is very passionate about what she has to say right now. She continues to love the dishwasher, she is a helper, loves to take the wipes out of the package, clothes out of the dresser, loves her baby sister, loves to give kisses (this is new and is so sweet, I was giving her a bath one night and after being emotional for a few nights  she stood up in the tub and gave me a big open mouth kiss, like she just knew I needed it), loves to go for walks and go see the ducks, she is full of life. 

Trying to climb out.

Zayne is doing awesome. He is scooting everywhere. He has come so far with therapy. He is crawling better (mainly on carpet). He stands on his own and will walk along furniture. He is into everything. If he shouldn't be there he is there. He loves to crawl into the corners of everything, Crawl behind things, If you block something off he will tilt it and build a ramp to climb up. He recently pushed himself through the patio screen door and snuck out onto the patio. He also loves dishwasher. He is all boy, with a lot of determination and motivation. We are in trouble with this guy. He OT, Schad says he is one of the most determined and motivated kids he has worked with and he has made so much progress. Again, it's always on Zayne terms.

Little Monkey.

Family photo. Love.

We have a special guest visitor with us right now. Ms. Maureen drove all the way from SLC and made Bozeman a special stop on her Vacation. We are so happy to have her. Zayne loves his snuggles from Maureen. Today we took Maureen up to Hylite Canyon, to Palisade falls. It was so goregous, the leaves were a beautiful golden yellow. The falls were beautiful, and Maureen, AKA the animal whisperer was even able to spot a mountain goat high up on the mountain. It was so nice to get out of the house, get a small hike in, and enjoy the outdoors, and capture some family photos.

Andy and Zayne checking out the falls.

Daddy and Zoe.

Daddy and Zayne

We are so lucky and Grateful to have her in our lives. 

Life is good. We are adapting. Ziah fits in well, We can't imagine life with out her, She was meant to be here, She is here for a reason. Although things are crazy and busy, we wouldn't change it. Well maybe a little more sleep would be nice. We are figuring out our routine, routine is key- as for a schedule- I am not sure you get a schedule with 3 under 14 months. So, we will take what we can get.

I think they had fun despite their faces.

October 3, 2015:Today we went to visit the Alapaca's. It was cold and rainy and we weren't even sure if we would go. But, since no one other than Mom and Dad wanted to nap we ventured out. It was fun to see them but cold. Zayne laughed a bit as Dad was feeding them, Zoe may have smiled once or twice. Ziah also made the trip and was snuggled in the carrier up against Mom staying warm. Ps. Happy 14 Months you two. October 2nd.

"Life is an Adventure."  I am so glad you chose us to be a part of it. 

I have to share this link as I wish I could put my thoughts, my emotions, and my reflection into a post like this. Glad someone else can and I can relate to them.
http://nursingclio.org/2015/10/01/premature-birth-and-the-right-to-grieve/

How it is done with 3.