Wife and A Life at 30 (+)!: 15-16 weeks.

I am really quite sad that I have not been able to keep up on this blog like I had planned on. But with being so, so sick up until 17 weeks and then the other complications that came with it made it a bit more difficult to stay up to date and find the motivation. Thanks to a great friend today I have been motivated to do a synopsis of my pregnancy from 15-22 weeks. Thank goodness for writing things down that I wanted to remember. The flow of this blog may be all over the place but bear with me.

March 27, 2014: Today marks 15 weeks. I can honestly say not much has changed. I remain super sick. Toughing it out the best I can and continue to enjoy the moments the best I can. And yes. I have tried everything from Natural meds, ginger ale, breath right strips, sleep, and Meds from the dr. with little improvement.


Maddie Loves to be in the pictures.

My thoughts "I can't possibly be one of the pregnant ones that go their whole pregnancy ill can I?" There has to be some end in site. I have lost quite a bit of weight due to puking my guts out. I just keep telling myself "it will get better, it will get better." Here is to moving on to 16+ weeks.

April 3, 2014: 16 weeks! I wish I had kept up with this week by week. I think part of the reason I stopped is due to complications that started at this point. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it all in the blog. But, now that I have been sitting in Utah for 65 days and have a caring bridge that tells the world what we are going through I feel it is okay to post my

Little Baby A- 15.6 weeks

personal thoughts and experiences that we have went through from this point forward. On March 31st we had an appointment with our OBGYN Doctor in Bozeman. It was a routine checkup. She remain pleased with how things were progressing in the pregnancy and felt that even though I was still having bleeding things were going good. She then proceeded to do our Ultrasound. Upon doing our U/S, I could tell something was not right. She finished quickly and told us she felt is was best that we made an appointment with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor in Billings. I could tell by her face that she was very concerned. She told us that it could just be that she was getting a good view but from what she could see Baby B had very low fluid. So, on April 2 we headed to Billings to have our appointment with the Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr. It was so scary and one of the hardest days. The U/S tech completed the U/S and agreed that there was very little fluid, upon leaving the room she said "I am sorry," which does not leave you with a good feeling. The Dr. came in next and repeated the U/S. The good news was the babies


Little Baby B. Squished d/t low fluid. Notice the hand by the head waving :)

were developing appropriately and the anatomy looked great. Their brains looked great, 4 chamber hearts, both had kidney's and bladders and renal arteries, and both were right on track for their weights. When he was done he asked us to go with him to his office to talk. I will never forget this day. Let me mention that I also know this Dr. He is well known in Bozeman and he is an absolute Saint. He is so warm, caring, and compassionate., you really couldn't ask for anyone better. When we got to his office he talked to us in a very calm manner and explain twins and how things worked. He then proceeded to tell us that he was "very concerned for baby B." He said the fluid was "critically low." At this point, when I think back I feel like I was in a tunnel and all I could hear was these terrible outcomes about our little baby B. I really don't remember all that was said. He told us B was in "grave danger." He did not think this baby would survive. He talked to us about the lung development and about the inability for the baby to move its limbs in utero and the outcome of that. He told us that there was a "slim outcome for Baby B." We talked about what would cause this- He stated it could be the kidney's although things looked fine on U/S, he also said that is possible that the sac for Baby B "had a small leak or tear in it." I told him I felt it was option B and he said it could be but that he has only seen a handful of patient's that rupture this early. He said at this point there was nothing we could do but to have hope and faith. I will never forget him sitting back in his chair, crossing his legs, and telling us "I find it shocking how well B is doing at this point, these little guys impress me all the time." He walked us out and said he would see us at 20 weeks. Unfortunately at this point in time there is absolutely nothing we can do. I left the hospital heartbroken and pretty much cried my way home to Bozeman. It is so heart wrenching knowing there is nothing that you can do. I mean come on they can do surgeries in utero these days but they couldn't help us out. So from here on it was making it to 24 weeks-Viability-which seemed like forever away- and we were given slim hope of B getting there. All I had was my hope, faith, and prayers and a positive attitude to hold on to. I told myself we can be the 1% that makes it through this.

Andy's parents came to visit us this following weekend. It was actually nice to have them out at our place to take our minds off of everything. I talked with my Dr in Bozeman about the results and she apologize and said that they agree that the sac for B was indeed rupture. She said that it doesn't look good for B. She also said it was likely that we would not deliver in Montana but rather Seattle or SLC. She told me that this happens in such a small percentage and she was so sorry it had to be us. Again I just bawled. She told me the one thing she could do at this time was to take me off work and basically let me put myself on bedrest. So, that's what I did and I am so thankful for her for doing this.

I can't tell you how much I cried over the next few days. I felt completely helpless and so vulnerable. It was completely out of my control. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. Unless you are in the situation people don't understand. I ask Andy and his parents to go to church with me that Sunday. Simply because I felt so lost-like I had nothing. My good friend Mindy has invited me to her church several times so I asked her to meet us there. I cried during the service and when talking to the pastor. But, I left with a sense of hope. I knew that I had to have faith, be positive and hopeful, and pray as much as I could. That was the attitude I was going to have for this pregnancy and these two tiny little wonders.

We celebrated Andy's birthday this weekend also. The babies gave him his first gift. A little vikings jersey and a buffalo bills jersey. I kind of feel bad that they are supporting the 2 worst teams in the NFL. I also bought Andy a long board that he has wanted for quite some time. His mom baked a delicious cake and Andy and his Dad painted the babies nursery. Overall it was a great weekend to have them here and made time past quickly and took our minds off things.

Two things I almost forgot to mention. My mother in law brought me some great maternity shirts. I actually was excited to put some on :)
Second: I am still sick! Ugh!