Weeks 17-19

April 10-24: Not too much has changed during these 3 weeks. I have spent a lot of time on the couch. I tell Andy that I am wearing it out and I have decided to rotate between the couches. Is there light at the end of tunnel? I actually think that at 17 weeks

17 Weeks

Little Baby Bumb! Love.

 

I started to finally feel better- Maybe even sleep better and I think my stuffy nose is better too! How does it just disappear like that?

I actually think that I started to feel small movements between 16-17 weeks. I know this is early for a first time mom but maybe not with twins. 

Andy and I celebrated his Birthday on August 11. We met some friends downtown and then came home and made crab legs. 

The following weekend we went to Big Sky for the pond skim. 

Feeling better.

 

Beautiful day in the Big Sky!

 

15-16 weeks.

I am really quite sad that I have not been able to keep up on this blog like I had planned on. But with being so, so sick up until 17 weeks and then the other complications that came with it made it a bit more difficult to stay up to date and find the motivation. Thanks to a great friend today I have been motivated to do a synopsis of my pregnancy from 15-22 weeks. Thank goodness for writing things down that I wanted to remember. The flow of this blog may be all over the place but bear with me. 

March 27, 2014: Today marks 15 weeks. I can honestly say not much has changed. I remain super sick. Toughing it out the best I can and continue to enjoy the moments the best I can.  And yes. I have tried everything from Natural meds, ginger ale, breath right strips, sleep, and Meds from the dr. with little improvement.

 

Maddie Loves to be in the pictures.

My thoughts "I can't possibly be one of the pregnant ones that go their whole pregnancy ill can I?" There has to be some end in site. I have lost quite a bit of weight due to puking my guts out.  I just keep telling myself "it will get better, it will get better." Here is to moving on to 16+ weeks.

April 3, 2014: 16  weeks! I wish I had kept up with this week by week. I think part of the reason I stopped is due to complications that started at this point. I wasn't sure if I wanted to post it all in the blog. But, now that I have been sitting in Utah for 65 days and have a caring bridge that tells the world what we are going through I feel it is okay to post my

Little Baby A- 15.6 weeks

personal thoughts and experiences that we have went through from this point forward. On March 31st we had an appointment with our OBGYN Doctor in Bozeman. It was a routine checkup. She remain pleased with how things were progressing in the pregnancy and felt that even though I was still having bleeding things were going good. She then proceeded to do our Ultrasound. Upon doing our U/S, I could tell something was not right. She finished quickly and told us she felt is was best that we made an appointment with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Doctor in Billings. I could tell by her face that she was very concerned. She told us that it could just be that she was getting a good view but from what she could see Baby B had very low fluid. So, on April 2 we headed to Billings to have our appointment with the  Maternal Fetal Medicine Dr. It was so scary and one of the hardest days. The U/S tech completed the U/S and agreed that there was very little fluid, upon leaving the room she said "I am sorry," which does not leave you with a good feeling. The Dr. came in next and repeated the U/S. The good news was the babies

Little Baby B. Squished d/t low fluid. Notice the hand by the head waving :)

were developing appropriately and the anatomy looked great.  Their brains looked great, 4 chamber hearts, both had kidney's and bladders and renal arteries, and both were right on track for their weights. When he was done he asked us to go with him to his office to talk. I will never forget this day. Let me mention that I also know this Dr. He is well known in Bozeman and he is an absolute Saint. He is so warm, caring, and compassionate., you really couldn't ask for anyone better. When we got to his office he talked to us in a very calm manner and explain twins and how things worked. He then proceeded to tell us that he was "very concerned for baby B." He said the fluid was "critically low." At this point, when I think back I feel like I was in a tunnel and all I could hear was these terrible outcomes about our little baby B. I really don't remember all that was said. He told us B was in "grave danger." He did not think this baby would survive. He talked to us about the lung development and about the inability for the baby to move its limbs in utero and the outcome of that. He told us that there was a "slim outcome for Baby B." We talked about what would cause this- He stated it could be the kidney's although things looked fine on U/S, he also said that is possible that the sac for Baby B "had a small leak or tear in it." I told him I felt it was option B and he said it could be but that he has only seen a handful of patient's that rupture this early. He said at this point there was nothing we could do but to have hope and faith. I will never forget him sitting back in his chair, crossing his legs, and telling us "I find it shocking how well B is doing at this point, these little guys impress me all the time." He walked us out and said he would see us at 20 weeks. Unfortunately at this point in time there is absolutely nothing we can do. I left the hospital heartbroken and pretty much cried my way home to Bozeman. It is so heart wrenching knowing there is nothing that you can do. I mean come on they can do surgeries in utero these days but they couldn't help us out. So from here on it was making it to 24 weeks-Viability-which seemed like forever away- and we were given slim hope of B getting there. All I had was my hope, faith, and prayers and a positive attitude to hold on to. I told myself we can be the 1% that makes it through this. 

Andy's parents came to visit us this following weekend. It was actually nice to have them out at our place to take our minds off of everything. I talked with my Dr in Bozeman about the results and she apologize and said that they agree that the sac for B was indeed rupture. She said that it doesn't look good for B. She also said it was likely that we would not deliver in Montana but rather Seattle or SLC. She told me that this happens in such a small percentage and she was so sorry it had to be us. Again I just bawled. She told me the one thing she could do at this time was to take me off work and basically let me put myself on bedrest. So, that's what I did and I am so thankful for her for doing this. 

I can't tell you how much I cried over the next few days. I felt completely helpless and so vulnerable. It was completely out of my control. I didn't know what to do or who to turn to. Unless you are in the situation people don't understand. I ask Andy and his parents to go to church with me that Sunday. Simply because I felt so lost-like I had nothing. My good friend Mindy has invited me to her church several times so I asked her to meet us there. I cried during the service and when talking to the pastor. But, I left with a sense of hope. I knew that I had to have faith, be positive and hopeful, and pray as much as I could. That was the attitude I was going to have for this pregnancy and these two tiny little wonders. 

We celebrated Andy's birthday this weekend also. The babies gave him his first gift. A little vikings jersey and a buffalo bills jersey. I kind of feel bad that they are supporting the 2 worst teams in the NFL. I also bought Andy a long board that he has wanted for quite some time. His mom baked a delicious cake and Andy and his Dad painted the babies nursery. Overall it was a great weekend to have them here and made time past quickly and took our minds off things.   

Two things I almost forgot to mention. My mother in law brought me some great maternity shirts. I actually was excited to put some on :)
Second: I am still sick! Ugh!
 

16 Weeks. Heartbeats: A= 142 B=151

2 $2 lucky bills from my mom. 2 lucky turtles from my Grandma

Andy's first gift from the Babies.

.

Painting and Bonding

Grandpa Z loving a task for the babies.

14 Weeks

March 21, 2014:  This week marks 14 weeks for us. Still feeling sick. N/V, headaches, insomnia, stuffy nose, food aversions. Needless to say I am not doing a whole lot. I did meet Andy up at Big Sky this weekend to enjoy some time in the sun and watch the pond skim. He skied with his high school wrestling buddy Brad this weekend. Afterwards we hung out at Brad's condo and had dinner with him and his family. Overall, hanging in there. One day at a time- I know it will get better soon. Andy sent me a text at 14 weeks that said: "They have their hands over their hearts so be happy." Ahh. 

This is also the week we told Andy's Grandma Lorraine (who you all know I am very fond of, I actually hope to be just like her when I get her age). We called her on the phone (we wanted to facetime but she is a busy lady). When we called her we asked her "What are you doing?" Her response was "I am making baby blankets for all my Grandkids to give to their kids (she pretty much tells the story herself and took our news right from us." She then proceeded to tell me how many she needed to make. I asked "Well would you like some more grandkids?" She "Why yes, are you going to give me some?" I said "Yes we are!" She then proceeded to say "Well then I will have to make 2 blankets for you guys as you are having twins (She is another one who has always told Andy and I that we would have Twins)!" I will never forget Andy's face as he clearly thought someone had spilled the beans to Lorraine. I then told her "Yes we are. we are having Twins!" I just remember her saying "Are you fibbing me, Don't fib me." I told her we weren't and then she said "I am the best predictor in the whole wide world." It was so fun telling her. I just can't believe she walked right into it. 

I also told my work this week and they were all so support and sent out the nicest messages. It has been fun sharing our wonderful news.

Little Milestones every week. 

13 Weeks.

March 14, 2014-  12 weeks came and went, I was slightly hopeful that I might start feeling better. But, I am still really sick and feeling crappy. I don't have any cravings really, nothing really sounds good, I am lucky to keep dinner down. I guess this is what happens when you hormones are so high due to Twins. This week marks 13 weeks.

It's amazing the little milestones they hit each week. I love it.

This weekend Andy spent it up at Eric's parents place in Big Sky. A bunch of their friends from college were in town to ski Big Sky. They also thought it was Dirt Bag Ball- So, most dressed up for Dirt Bag Ball- showed up at the ski hill to find out, Oops- It's next weekend. Way to go Gilje :) Anyways I am sure they had a blast. I love Andy's outfit. 

The night before-Getting it all together. Love that he is such a nerd!

Looking Good Buddy!

12 Weeks

March 7th , 2014:  This past week I traveled to Minnesota to tell my family the news. The first people I told was my mom and Grandma. I wanted to tell my mom as soon as she got me from the airport but, it didn't work out. So, that night I spent the night at my Grandma's house on knife lake (it's so peaceful up there and I sure do love listening to Grandma's stories). The next morning I woke up and was so eager to tell them. My mother does not like to be on time (and she wonders where I get this from). I called her and said "get up to the cabin." She said "oh, I am on my way (that should be 15 mins) I am sure it was more 45. When she arrives I had a card for her and inside had the same pics of Maddie and the book and Maddie with the sign around her neck. She open the first (I also filmed her, which I am so thankful for). She saw the picture of Maddie and said "I knew there was a reason you came home" (No one ever questions why I come home any other time, but this time everyone said "there must be a reason you are coming home)." So then I told my Madre to open the second, She was pretty excited as she shouted "TWINS!" It was so fun to see their reaction in person and to have it on video.

The next person I told was my Grandma-Kitty. I told her by buying two yellow roses. I wanted to tell her right when I got to her house but I was so sick. I bought the roses- One from A and One from B. Then I gave her the pictures. She was not at all surprised by Twins. She was excited that we were pregnant, and then she said "I knew it, I just knew it, I always knew you would have twins, Haven't I always said that." Which she has, she has always told me that I would have twins. This will be her 3rd set of twin grand-babies (One set of grand-babies- and 2 great grand-baby sets). 

Next I told my dad- He pretty much had the same comment "See, I knew you were coming home for a reason." He also said "Well you know where that came from." My Dad's dad is a twin. My Dad's brother Kenny- His oldest daughter also has a set of twins.

It was really fun and exciting to tell family in person. It was fun to see their reactions and was more meaningful than telling them over the phone. I also told my Uncle Troy and Aunt Jeanne who also have Twins. The funny thing when I told them (Both other sets twins in my family are Boy/Girl combos) Troy said "you are going to have to think of some clever names to go with Zehren," he spit out two names (boy/girl) which are the same two names I wrote down first-pretty ironic. 

I was suppose to stay in Minnesota until Friday- But these two like to provide excitement- They gave me a little scare and I had to make a trip to the ER. But, all was well there and I have seen my Doctor here in Bozeman and she was pleased with what she saw. But, due to that excitement, Andy got nervous (me too) and he changed my flight to come home Thursday. It was the worst flight ever. I was so sick for the whole thing. Needless to say I have felt absolutely awful, and have spent many days puking my guts out. But... Still feeling blessed. 

They Just wanted to show off for family in Minnesota- Getting bigger. Very Active

Clearly not feeling well as you can see by the wardrobe plus wonderful Andy made the sign this week.

11 Weeks

February 27, 2014: Week 11! Still feeling awful.  I know it will get better at some point, agh! I had another U/S this week. I am flying home to Minnesota next week. Like I said, ignorance is a bliss. I had to ask if we could do another U/S so that I knew they were still both there. It's my worst fear to tell everyone and then find out something has happened to one of them. Thankfully the Doctors were totally understanding and did another U/S. Yes, they are both still there. They are looking great and are much bigger than the first time we saw them. A's heartbeat was 157 and B's was 154, hmm... pretty close. They were two little gymnast on U/S. The Doctor said "wow, they are active." I had terrible dreams the night prior to this U/S, apparently I didn't even want to remember them as I didn't even write them down. It was so reassuring to know that all is well. It's also so amazing to see those tiny little wonders on U/S... It really is fascinating. Feeling blessed.

Two Tiny Little Miracles.

We told Ron and Carolyn tonight also (Andy's parents). We had to get creative to tell them. We tried to get them to come visit but it didn't work out (Andy says that is like getting them "to Mars :)"). So we decided to mail them a package with the picture of Maddie and the book, and Maddie with the sign around her neck. We told them it was a gift for Ron for his retirement (although I have a sneaky suspicion that Carolyn had a clue). We set up a time to skype with them. This was an ordeal itself as Carolyn had just gotten a new iPad and wasn't quite sure were the buttons were and how the volume work:) I was having a bit of anxiety "are you kidding, we really aren't going to be able to Skype cause you can't find the volume." But, it all worked out (calm down Kellie).  We also recorded the Skype conversation, it might win America's funniest videos, or go viral on YouTube. Ron opened the package, he took out the envelope labeled "open 1st." He open it and looked, and i think had a little grin. Carolyn peaked over (not sure if she even looked at the whole picture or just saw the word "pregnancy" on the book.) She started screaming... She said something like "if it would have been anything else I would have killed you two." We had told her it was a fishing trip for Ron... HAHA! Then they open the second envelop and we told Ron to read it out loud. Ron chuckled and his reaction was great, but Carolyn pretty much lost it. It was awesome, I know both Andy and I had tears in our eyes. We are so thankful that we were able to record this moment. Truly a classic.

Week 10

February 20, 2014: Today is the day that Andy and I met, 5 years ago. Wow! And to think I had absolutely no desire to meet him, go on a blind date, or a double date :) Boy, would I have missed out! Today is also week 10 for us. So far things have been rough. I have been pretty sick to say the least. Nausea/Vomiting, headaches, food aversions, stuffy nose (who knew this was part of pregnancy?), insomnia, etc. But, through all this I try to remain positive. I tell myself that this is all gentle little reminders of a healthy pregnancy. I continue to feel completely blessed by these to amazing little wonders. We still have not told anyone. Thanks to being a nurse and working in the area I do, I know too much. I feel the safe point to tell family is 12 weeks. Many think that working as a NICU nurse/Maternal Newborn means "oh, you will be so good, you do this all the time, you already know everything, this will be a breeze." I know sick babies, little babies, and I take care of well babies for the first 2-5 days. That does not make me a expert mom. I see difficult stories. That small 1% is what I see and that sticks out in my head. Ignorance is definitely a bliss . Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love my job. I love being a NICU nurse. Those little ones are the biggest fighters I have ever met. No adult would fight like they do. They really are amazing. 

We did a little photo shoot (attempting to be professionals, far from it, although photography is a hobby for me and something I strive to get much much better at). The photo shoot was done with a beautiful blonde. We are preparing a fun/special way to tell our family. 

Fun little moments- February 19, 2014: I had a dream that I had 34 week twin boys. (I don't know if it's the NICU nurse in me that allows me to dream about preterm babies or if it's just a instinct?)

February 20, 2014: Andy sends me a text that  says "Their hands and fist are folded over their heart... get happy now." (he downloaded the app.) I also received a text awhile back that said, "just cause your pregnant doesn't mean you can eat for two (or something like that, I had to laugh)" at least he downloaded the text and is keeping up with them:)

(in Maddie's voice) "I knew the secret first!"

Thing 1/Thing 2 Booties I made

Tiny Wonders

(In Maddie's voice) "I get to share the secret too."

9 Weeks and Shredfest 2014

February 13, 2014: Today marks the 9th week for us. Definitely feeling like something is going on. I have been pretty sick. Nausea/Vomitting, headaches, can't sleep, food adversions...It hasn't been good so far. But, I keep telling myself that every moment will be worth it. I have always said that I did/do not want to be one of the pregnant women who hate their pregnancy and being pregnant. It is my goal to enjoy each day that I carrying them. It's such an amazing, fascinating, incredible, and precious moment and journey- I refuse to be miserable, I can tough it out and find enjoyment in all the moments that are yet to come. So far... I feel completely blessed.  Here is our 9 week pic.

9 weeks and counting. 

February 14, 2014: This weekend marks our annual "Shredfest" weekend. I am pretty sure this is a weekend that Andy (and Tim) look forward to all year. Shredfest is held each year in Kellogg, Idaho, it's kindof a BIG deal.  Going this year is a bit tough for me, as 1) we haven't told anyone yet and 2) I have been so sick there is no hiding it. Therefore, I am bit nervous to go. I did finally tell our friends Anita and Jesse prior to leaving, they were ecstatic for us. Other than that the first people who new were my friends Lorissa and Mindy. 

Shredfest this year was made up of- Me, Andy, Tim, Beth, Tom (Orginals) and the newbies Ryan and Jess :)
The weather was great as always and the snow conditions were awesome. I did get out and snowboard one day for about 2 hours. Everyone caught on to what was going on quite early. Although they did not ask me about it, they asked Andy about it the morning of day 1 of shredding. There really was no hiding it.

Events of the weekend included: Lots of laughs and good times, Dinner and breakfast made by each couple, picking on Tim, Infamous Ernies, and the planning of 2015 shredfest. Poor Andy was picked on as they were saying he wouldn't be part of Shredfest next year. But, we will make it happen. I like to think that we will be the cool parents who take our kids everywhere and on adventures such as camping, hiking, snowboarding, skiing, snowmobiling, vacations, etc. I feel that our adventures are not going to end, they are just going to be different with two little ones. It's a new Chapter. I feel completely grateful for all the adventures and journeys that we have been on. But, excited for this new journey.

Our favorite little bar.

Ninjas.

T is for...

February 4 2014:  Two...? Twins! Yikes. But not quite a shocker. My grandma has always told me I would have Twins some day (probably since I was in high school). Andy's Grandma has always said "I can't wait until I get my Twin grand babies," ever since she knew we were going to get married. I can remember the first time she told me that, I about fell over. I just remember thinking "what, how does she know to say that and that my Grandma says the same thing?" 

So when we went in for our appointment and they did the Ultrasound they said "Yep, Congrats... You are having twins." I remember at one point Andy saying "Well, there is no turning back now." They later ask us if we were in shock (I think cause we were so calm and quiet) we explained to them that no we weren't, that we were some what prepared as we have two Grandma's who obviously have some intuition and have told us for a long time we would have twins. 

The ultrasound was so cool. We got to see them both and hear the heartbeats. Heartbeats were A=143 B=157

A Favorite moment:  I remember leaving the hospital, pictures in hand. I remember asking Andy if he was excited (cause of-course he was just quite and staring at the pictures) He said "Yes, they will be best friends for life." Ahhh~ Feeling completely Blessed. Life is good.

"A grand adventure is about to begin..." -Winnie the Pooh 

Still a secret. Haven't told Anyone. Maddie is holding on to the secret.

So exciting.

And so it Begins :)

January 9 2014:  I woke up early this am as I had to work day shift. I decided to take a pregnancy test. "Huh? is there really two blue lines? Oh-boy!" Andy was getting ready for work, I did not want to tell him right at that moment (although I could hardly look at him "please leave for work early), I wanted to wait until we could go to dinner or something. I went to work and several times throughout the day I looked at the picture on my phone thinking "Is that really a + sign?" I was only suppose to work for a few hours on this day, but I ended up staying for a full 12, the joys of being a nurse. After work I stopped at walmart and bought a digital test (after all my times of saying "if it's positive it's positive, why waste money on another test?) So, I rushed home and took the second/digital test, it quickly read "POSITIVE." Okay, so here we go. I had this great idea to take Andy out to a nice dinner. But, now it' getting late- I work in the am, and now Andy has suggested to go to the Korner Klub. Okay, Korner Klub it is. When we get to the KK, I want to tell Andy before getting out of the car, but he is clearly hungry as he rushes out of the car and into the KK. I stop him and say "Hey, I need you to look at this picture" (It was a picture of Maddie with a sign around her neck). Andy looks at the picture and doesn't get the "think positive" message, so I tell him to look at the next picture as it is a picture of a positive pregnancy test. Andy was excited, he said "Really, is this for Real?"

Maddie Say, "I have a secret...I knew first."

So it begins, we are so excited and can't wait for this journey. Life is good.

New Year.

One of the downside of being a nurse is working the holidays. I must say though I can't complain too much about having to work New Years Eve. It's better than working Christmas, and it's nice to wake up New Years Day, feeling good, and only being a tad hung over (sleepy) from working night shift. I am thankful that our friends Tim and Beth were back in Bozeman and spending a few nights at our house so that my Hubby had something fun to do. New Years Day was spent doing a hike up in Big Sky that I love. It was beautiful. We headed to West Yellowstone the next day to do some cross country skiing. Let me tell you, my abs sure got a work out from all the laughing I did (thanks Tim). One of the reason I love cross country skiing so much is because it makes you laugh so much (at least for me) you have the best wipe outs on cross country ski's (I know- one of these times it won't be so funny).

2013 was another fun filled year with many adventures. I feel truly blessed for all that I have and work each day to not take thing for granted. Here is a quick recap of 2013.

*Snowboard/Snowmobile trip to Targhee.
*Many JWP shows.
*Visits from friends and family (Dad, Ron and Carolyn, Joey, Kelly H. Tim and Beth)
*Trip to West Yellowstone with Dad.
*Coed Snowmobile race with Jeff W.
*Garnet Cabin Trip with neighbors.
*Red Lodge Trip with Connie and John
*Grandpa Dean join the angels on 5/25/13
*Medora Trip with Mom and Jocelyn
*Jocelyn 2nd annual stay here in Bozeman with us for a month (can't wait for this summer)
*Andy to Colorado with Friends.
*Andy went on a canoe trip
*Targhee trip with Jocelyn to music festival to see Wide Spread Panic
*MN Trips
*Strawberry Lake
*New Nephew IAN born 07/26/13
*Beartooth Camping Trip (12 mile hike)
*2 Year anniversary
*Jamestown, ND Trip for Donegans Wedding
*Seattle Trip- Seahawks vs. Vikings
*Zach Brown Band
*Keller Williams
*Christmas just the two of us.
*New Years Eve with Tim and Beth.

I look forward to all the 2014 brings to us :)